Dear a little girl,
Teaching is not my forte; I admit it because each time I step inside that classroom I am challenged to do something so unnatural to me. It's hard enough to control myself let alone fifteen other little kids. It can take a long time for them to listen to me in the classroom for me to each start teaching them what to do. I used to get lost in the hallways when I would pick them up and then lose them in the hallways after I got them. Some took advantage of me when I would be way to nice and others tricked me into doing things they knew I wouldn't know they were allowed to do. Even though I struggled (for the first month), I eventually got it together, especially if this was to be my yearlong commitment. But that's not the reason why I continue going back. I learned to see past the kids' misbehavior and misguidance in the troubled school and I learned I cared more about the relationships I fostered with them at the end of them. Honestly, the love I'm growing for these little kids is preparing me to love you one day, a little girl who will be my own.
My heart melts each time my students run to me with smiles on their faces. They become so happy to see me that it wipes away every thing that day that stole a piece of my joy. Their excitement is contagious and laughter is genuine. I never have to worry about their intentions and them breaking my dreams. I am obsessed with their youth and their cute statures. I remember what it was like to be a little girl again as I bring myself to their place. I am reminded about how carefree and joyful life can really be, without the added stress. I wish I could say I had a favorite, but between the Harmoni's and Blake's, all of them produce a special twinge in my heart. I'm learning about each one of them, like how four-year-old Shayla likes to follow me after class and hates it when I leave and how bad little rascal Blake honestly needs someone to love him since his mom barely shows him mind. Kaila is the sweet goody two shoes who wants to be the best in the class while Wisteria is a little girl who is way too shy to even mutter one little word. Kierra, one of the older ones, has anger problems along with Kylie. They are beautiful eight years olds who can't seem to let go of the little things while DeMaya simply wants to make it in life and make sure her friends are right by with her. Nicolas makes me smile. Not only does he remind my of my own in my family, but he truly wants to be a good boy and follow all the rules. I only named nine students, but I wish I could tell you about all thirty. I love them all, but I will love you more.
There would be no one I could compare you, a little girl, my little girl, to as you would birth from my very womb made from the very genetic, spiritual, mental, social, physical things that make me me and him him. I can't wait to hold you in my arms the way I want to hold little Lyrric or cradle Ashleigh. I can't wait to show you unconditional love like the Father showed me and my parents portrayed. You will be the best thing I will have ever done in my life, because you my sweet will represent a holy, sacred union of love and purity. I'll soon have experiences with you that bring me the same joy and create a relationship that I will aim to be unbreakable. You will never have to doubt my love, carry anger for my ways, or feel unattached. I will know when to let go and when to grab on.
So to a little girl, my little baby girl, until then...
Love,
Stephanie
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